Jewish Death

While we should always remember the family members and friends who have passed away, this is again that special time of the year when we enter our family members into the Book of Remembrance, look to the memorial board to view the names, and make the obligatory and customary trip to place the stones on the graves of the departed. All of these things are very somber, sad and meant to evoke feelings of loss and emptiness that the person you cared for is no longer with us.

However, it would be nice if someone came up with a more upbeat method of remembering the departed. It would be nice if the rituals that conjure up our memories of the departed brought a smile to our face, made us happy. If the death and remembrance rituals that we do could somehow be made to evoke happiness and joy, maybe those rituals would be things that we could look forward to and not feel the heavy burden of sadness and remorse.

Do not misunderstand what I write. I am not suggesting that the loss of a loved one should be thought of as a joke. I am not suggesting that we should not say Kaddish or not do the traditional things we, as Jews have done for hundreds, if not thousands of years.

Now I know that when I pass, and I hope it will be a long time from now, there is not going to be a huge outpouring of sadness. (For some, that could be interpreted in several ways.) Hopefully, my contemporaries will not be there, for as Frank Sinatra once said to Dean Martin, "I hope you live to be a hundred and I am one of your pallbearers." But seriously, I would not want a huge outpouring of sadness. Rather, I would prefer a nice Jewish service, with a kosher casket (if possible, made by Rubbermaid so that my remains remain), and I would want a procession with all the music and trimmings of a New Orleans funeral.

Although it is unlikely, I would love joyous singing and dancing, food, wine and spirits to be served to all my survivors. I hope the joy would not be based upon my passing (although, if some people derive pleasure from that, so be it), but rather based upon my survivors recognizing my belief that my passing is merely another link in the chain of life and that the survivors should be steadfastly enjoying the time G-d has given each and every one of us on this place we call earth.

Am I making light of something somber? No, if anything, I am making light about by own demise. Could this philosophy be a defense mechanism to react to the concept of death. Certainly. However, as I get older, and presumably wiser, I have come to realize that being depressed, or sad or unhappy about loss is not anything better than flipping the concept on its head and making death a time to appreciate the life that has passed and the lives that still remain to carry on.

So I hope that we all live to be healthy and hundred and twenty and that if any of you survive me, you enjoy my demise. Not because you are glad to see me go, but because you enjoy my philosophy of trying to appreciate both life and death.

Shalom. Jeremy