We are now in the throes of the preparation of our second daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Where is the joy?
I wish that we could turn back the clock to a simpler time when Bar and Bat Mitzvahs were truly a religious rite of passage as opposed to a big celebration. I realize that, like Chanukah and other major religious holidays, the event has taken on a truly commercial value to our economy.
Caterers, musicians, DJ's, invitations, video, photographers, centerpieces, and on and on it goes. A good Bat Mitzvah is good for the GNP. But is it good for the soul? (Does this sound like Linus from a "Charlie Brown Christmas"?)
Did we somehow lose the meaning of the Bat Mitzvah when we felt it necessary to place a party after the religious service. Would not a simple Oneg Shabbat be a sufficient celebration?
We have been invited to Bat Mitzvahs where the family dog received an honor at a candle-lighting ceremony. We have seen the ice sculptures with Vodka flowing down as if it were a mountain river. We have seen the large bands and the numerous dancers employed solely to get the party "rocking". Maybe we should have "paid" guests who will guarantee a good time to the "volunteer" guests. My wife and I describe these events as similar to a bad James Bond movie where the host/hostess simply do not know when to stop the special effects.
I know that the host/hostess want a)everyone to have a great time, and b) the event to be favorably compared with other Bar/Bat mitzvahs attended. But does one need to have crab-races during the cocktail party to have a great time? Does one have to have huge styrofoam "artwork" as centerpieces that will be thrown out shortly thereafter? Does one have to have more food, better food, more drinks, more dancers, more lights, louder DJ's than the prior Bar/Bat Mitzvah attended to make the event a success?
I even know of a person who mortgaged his home in order to make the celebration huge.
Our approach, in light of the desires of the parties involved, is to try and find a happy medium where the celebration is not over the top and where the guests can have a great time. Even though one young lady would love for me to take out a home equity loan to satisfy all her dreams, "that will not be happening".
And the planning continues.....
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1 comment:
It is my hope that this blog provokes thought. I do believe that to each his own, on this issue, is fine. On the other hand (like a Jewish philospher talking), I do not believe that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah was ever meant to become an EXTRAVAGANZA.
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